Navigating Mother’s Day after bereavement

3 things that have helped me navigate Mother’s Day after bereavement

Mother’s Day is such a beautiful day to celebrate all things motherhood, but as we all know, it can also be one of the toughest days too, especially when you are dealing with bereavement.

Since my Mum, Mary died in 2021, there are a few things that I have learnt to help me navigate the pain of loss on Mother’s Day:

• Do what feels right for you – celebrate, don’t celebrate, remember, talk about, journal, or ignore the whole day. It’s up to you, there is no right or wrong way to do Mother’s Day, sometimes we have to listen to ourselves to know what feels right, and it might be a combination of all of the above. It’s okay to grieve and to process that grief how it feels right for you. I like to take a moment, to either journal or just sit peacefully and have some space to remember my Mum and to think about the things she loved and what brought her joy.

• Buy the card – I remember the first Mother’s Day after my Mum died, and I had this sudden realisation that I would never be able to buy her a Mother’s Day card again. It felt isolating and I felt really left out of this celebratory day, despite having my own children. Until, my husband really questioned this, and made me see that of course I could still buy her a card. Him telling me that just because she had died didn’t mean I couldn’t buy her a card and write to her, even if she wasn’t going to receive it. That changed things for me. I now write the card and I pop it in a box I have with some photos of her and some precious mementos, plus the letter she wrote to me before she died. Sometimes I buy her a wildflower seeded card and plant that, so I can watch the flowers grow and think of her, she really loved her garden, so seeing flowers bloom always reminds me of her. It’s such a small thing but it’s something that really helps me feel connected to her and to everyone else on this day.

• No judgement allowed – feeling happy doesn’t mean you don’t care or miss your person, you are allowed to also feel happy on Mother’s Day, if you’re celebrating with loved ones or simply having a quiet day, you are allowed to feel whatever feelings come up. This doesn’t mean that you don’t care, miss them, or feel sad too. You are allowed to have a mixture of emotions. You also don’t have to constantly feel grateful for all you do have, you are allowed to also feel angry, frustrated, joyful, overwhelmed or whatever emotion is prevalent. 

Mother’s Day, like so many special occasions does sometimes feel too commercialised and an excuse for businesses pushing us to buy what we don’t need. When we get to the heart of what this day is really all about, it reminds us that showing someone how much we love them, doesn’t come from products, it’s about the actions we take and the way we make them feel. Whilst my Mum is no longer here, I can still show her how much I love her by the way I live my life and the things I do.

Motivation

You might be wondering what grief has to do with sustainability, and on the surface it might not connect, but for me everything I do is for those I love. My Mum had such a wonderful connection to nature and wildlife, something she instilled in me from very little, she loved her garden and wildflowers, she loved watching the birds feed at the feeder and her favourite thing was when the hedgehog visited her garden at night. For me sustainability is all about protecting nature and wildlife for future generations to enjoy in this way too. For all of our loved ones to enjoy. It feels even more important to me than ever as a motivation to keep looking after this wonderful world and remembering the joy in nature. It’s one of the reasons we donate regularly to our local wildlife trust to protect our natural spaces for the future.

You can find out more about your local wildlife trust, the work they do and how to get involved, here:

https://www.wildlifetrusts.org